the day i learn i was wrong about jesus

If it turns out I’m wrong, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Jesus wasn’t real, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Jesus didn’t die and come back three days later, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Jesus wasn’t holy or divine but just a guy that tried really hard and also messed up sometimes, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Jesus was only a prophet and also not the only one, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Jesus didn’t turn water into wine and miracles are what happens when want collides with coincidence, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Friedrich Nietzsche knew what he was talking about, I’m fine with that. I won’t even be surprised – I’m a nihilist at least one or two days a week.

If it turns out Siddhartha Gautama had it figured out, I’m fine with that. I’m a buddhist, too.

If it turns out J.K. Rowling was right then honestly I’ll be a little peeved because it’s probably way too late for my owl to come.

But what if it turns out They were right? If it turns out the Bible is literal and historically accurate, if it turns out God destroyed creation because free will was a mistake and also asked someone to murder their own child just to prove a point, that God would send me to hell for having sex with a man outside of marriage or having sex with a woman ever, that I wasn’t supposed to have any spiritual authority over boys aged 12 and up or get any tattoos or eat shellfish..

If it turns out that I was wrong but I tried really hard and also messed up sometimes, I’m fine with that. If it turns out that all I did was take something ugly and tried to make something beautiful? That I broke apart their picket lines to build shelter, that I set fire to their books to bake bread, that I melted down their weapons to make art?

Yeah, I’m fine with that.

animal

what an honor it is

to be

half barbaric

half divine

animals made in the image, the heart, the strength of God

what a burden

what a reckoning

what a legacy

chosen to be partly of the heavens, partly of the wood

greasy, gritty, holy

licking our bloody chops clean before communion

washing the muck from our white robes; god-beast

 

can you be wholly anything when you are a half-breed?

i think we have it wrong

we do not have to tame anything

water crushes in waves and cushions your brain

fire comforts and ravages entire cities

divinity is just a different kind of wild