mother of wild | dangerous woman
you taught me about eve
like a gunshot warning
but all I heard
was a battle cry and a prayer
“wait until you hear
about this crazy woman
this ungrateful wretch
who cursed us all forever”
but I also crave freedom weighty
in my palm and knowledge
dripping sticky sweet down
my wretched chin
beloved, I need to tell you that god can speak your language
I need to tell you that angels have better things to do than keeping score
that you are no less holy piss drunk
in pissed streets, in sweaty sheets
than you are in Sunday parking lots
or pews or potlucks or thoughts and prayers
I need to tell you that god cannot be contained, understood, jailed, or molded within pages of books
or lines of poems
for gods sake throw away this poem
I need to tell you that any spiritual leadership worth it’s pillars of salt
comes with permission to throw their words in the trash whenever you see fit
vessels are content to sit on a shelf until there is water to pour
please beloved, throw this in the trash
and if your heart aches you can smooth out the pages
words can only be made better by the creasing
I’m sorry.
I’m so very sorry.
If I had known then? You wouldn’t be so bloody
I’m so bloody sorry.
Of course, now that I’m no longer 6
No longer 14
No longer 19
I have the tools to build those houses
To bring you in from the rain
But its too late for this hammer, these nails
It’s a flood and you drowned long ago
As our foreheads kiss, hot and cold
All I can think is maybe its possible to build a life raft from heavy limbs
The faces still bobbing, the mouths still shrieking, this ocean of lost girls
There are too many, I have to get started its time to get started
But I’m choking on sea salt and my lungs are storm drains
Oh dear, its too late
Maybe my next iteration will think to save herself first
static and prickled
you live on the edge of your skin
and I’ve been lost inside my ribs for years with
a mouth full of blood and rage
but then I followed breadcrumb kisses
to the surface of the sun
and I thought I was a moon, a body
to reflect your light
until you held my face to the mirror
so I could see we
were both stars
all angel and ruin
tell me this story again with
your lips against mine
supernova
you are not here and you are not there
you are ethereal, strung up between stars
are you stuck painfully? or comfortably settled?
i do not know, i cannot reach you
i imagine you thriving in the elsewhere
i have to or i will die
it is too much to bear
thinking of you without me
as i am without you
daughter
daughter
daughter
can you hear the sobs rattling my bones
i am sorry darling
they are all that i have
for how long have you
held your breath, love?
pull taut your soft parts
full marks
how much oxygen has been
barred from your blood, love?
embers held
in prison cell lungs
by their eyes, love?
this death they
have chosen for you
agonizing
and poised
breathe, love
for the love of god just
breathe
