buoy

I’m sorry.

I’m so very sorry.

If I had known then? You wouldn’t be so bloody

I’m so bloody sorry.

Of course, now that I’m no longer 6

No longer 14

No longer 19

I have the tools to build those houses

To bring you in from the rain

But its too late for this hammer, these nails

It’s a flood and you drowned long ago

As our foreheads kiss, hot and cold

All I can think is maybe its possible to build a life raft from heavy limbs

The faces still bobbing, the mouths still shrieking, this ocean of lost girls

There are too many, I have to get started its time to get started

But I’m choking on sea salt and my lungs are storm drains

Oh dear, its too late

Maybe my next iteration will think to save herself first

black hole

static and prickled
you live on the edge of your skin
and I’ve been lost inside my ribs for years with
a mouth full of blood and rage

but then I followed breadcrumb kisses
to the surface of the sun
and I thought I was a moon, a body
to reflect your light

until you held my face to the mirror
so I could see we
were both stars
all angel and ruin

tell me this story again with
your lips against mine
supernova

margaret

you are not here and you are not there
you are ethereal, strung up between stars
are you stuck painfully? or comfortably settled?
i do not know, i cannot reach you

i imagine you thriving in the elsewhere
i have to or i will die
it is too much to bear
thinking of you without me
as i am without you

daughter
daughter
daughter
can you hear the sobs rattling my bones
i am sorry darling

they are all that i have

the day i learn i was wrong about jesus

If it turns out I’m wrong, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Jesus wasn’t real, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Jesus didn’t die and come back three days later, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Jesus wasn’t holy or divine but just a guy that tried really hard and also messed up sometimes, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Jesus was only a prophet and also not the only one, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Jesus didn’t turn water into wine and miracles are what happens when want collides with coincidence, I’m fine with that.

If it turns out Friedrich Nietzsche knew what he was talking about, I’m fine with that. I won’t even be surprised – I’m a nihilist at least one or two days a week.

If it turns out Siddhartha Gautama had it figured out, I’m fine with that. I’m a buddhist, too.

If it turns out J.K. Rowling was right then honestly I’ll be a little peeved because it’s probably way too late for my owl to come.

But what if it turns out They were right? If it turns out the Bible is literal and historically accurate, if it turns out God destroyed creation because free will was a mistake and also asked someone to murder their own child just to prove a point, that God would send me to hell for having sex with a man outside of marriage or having sex with a woman ever, that I wasn’t supposed to have any spiritual authority over boys aged 12 and up or get any tattoos or eat shellfish..

If it turns out that I was wrong but I tried really hard and also messed up sometimes, I’m fine with that. If it turns out that all I did was take something ugly and tried to make something beautiful? That I broke apart their picket lines to build shelter, that I set fire to their books to bake bread, that I melted down their weapons to make art?

Yeah, I’m fine with that.

liminal

i was made
for the
spaces
in

between

there is something
in my marrow
an energy that hums
and rattles
my

bones

my bird song is
one
of

tension

the long stretch
from catalyst to
resolution as it
hangs
in

the air

it is messy
and it is dark
but i am not alone
and this is where i have found peace

you see, it takes the sun eight minutes
and thirty seconds
to reach the earth and
it is within this lightspeed that we
find each other
or
sometimes

crash

bruised and battered we find
desperate relief in the clinging
we are bleeding but still
very
much

alive