how to decorate for christmas

IMG_6389 1. Tell your husband on November 1st that you’d like to decorate. Now. He will laugh because he thinks you’re kidding.

IMG_63652. Agree on an acceptable middle ground decoration day and write it in your planner. Write it bigger than you did your anniversary. Circle it twice.

IMG_63723. Make a Pinterest board to pass the time. Your house will look nothing like these pins.

IMG_63834. Promise your sister and husband a fun-filled afternoon complete with hot cocoa and a movie marathon. Chuckle to yourself as they fall for it.

IMG_63805. Drag them to several stores and as your husband eyes the overflowing cart wearily, reassure him that you have planned out the budget wholly. Chuckle to yourself as he falls for it.

IMG_64176. Unload your treasures into the living room and watch as your dogs cower at the sheer amount of glitter billowing from the army of bags.

IMG_63717. Overreact when your helpful volunteers suggest taking a small break before decorating.

IMG_63408. Discuss the different strategies of assuring the snowflakes are all hanging at the exactly correct height. Sob inwardly when your sister tells you that is not happening and questions how you made it through childhood without the aid of medication. Tell her you’re not entirely sure.

IMG_63949. Take a break for leftover pizza. And perhaps a few Ibuprofen.

IMG_637510. Stress headache be damned, push forward and assemble the tree.

IMG_637711. Tidy and perfect insignificant details before photographing.

IMG_636312. Scoff when anyone asks why you’re photographing everything. Explain that it is for your blog. Realize how stupid the word “blog” is. Resolve to never say it out loud again.

IMG_633213. Select the perfect filter on Instagram and present your masterpiece as the result of a carefree afternoon. Pat yourself on the housewife back as your followers click “like”.

IMG_632814. Reward yourself with bougie holiday-themed chocolate bars.


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